I just got out of a meeting in which the faculty/staff were briefed about how our retirement funds will be coming under new management. This is pretty sweet...except for the fact that I don't work here anymore and I don't have funds to be managed. Other than that, I told them that they could sign me up.
I'm not sure how to accurately articulate my feelings, but I had one of those moments in which I felt a little ashamed for my lack of "properly" planning for my financial future and for not "properly providing for my family." As our presenter made his schpeel, I realized that I am doing the exact opposite of everything that a financial planner would ever advise his clients to do.
Sometimes I have these surreal moments in which I see our plans clash with the "common sense" of our culture. I think this is a good thing but it is hard to not bow down to the social pressures of fulfilling the American Dream. Its hard to deconstruct 20+ years of what I was taught as the outline for success ---go to college + get a high paying job+ get married+ save a lot of money so you can retire = having a happy life. I know this assumption has left so many people disenfranchised and completely miserable but doesn't make it any easier to go against conventional wisdom.
A big part of my decision to lead my family to Dallas came through a sermon I heard from George Ross this past December. His main point was that in our plans, we should go for broke. We should do that one thing that God has created us for and not look back. I didn't know at the time that I was going to take his advice literally. I wish I could tell you that each day I have the faith to believe that God is going to provide for everything that we need. I don't. I wish I could tell you that I don't have moments when I take a long glare at looking back. I do. There are some days in which I wake up and see 24% and June 1st starring me in the eye (24% is the amount that we have raised and June 1st is when we will no longer be gaining a salary).
Even as I type these words, I am reminded how our God is a God of the dramatic. He doesn't always do the conventional thing because...honestly, where is the fun in that? He's God. I had this thought while watching the Lakers' game last Sunday. My Lakers were down by 8 with a minute to go. I began to walk out of the room in disgust at them falling out of the playoffs like a coked up monkey on a trapeze wire. But then they did the unlikely, they started to make a comeback...and then forced the game into overtime only to see Kobe Bryant nail a last second buzzer beater in overtime. When you look at God's track record, God has a history for doing things with the same kind of flare. He seems to like to use the unlikely, to do the impossible in a way that is unthinkable.
If I were God, I probably wouldn't give us all the support we needed right now either. I would probably wait for a unique opportunity to show that this was done in my power...like a buzzer beater.
Disclaimer: Nathan Davenport is not God, has never even been promoted to demi-god status and to my knowledge, God is not a Laker fan.
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