In my latest effort to raise support for the mission field I have decided to become a Church Fall Guy. What is a Church Fall Guy you ask? Its a glorified scape goat. For $500, I will agree to join your church staff for one week. At the conclusion of this week, I will be terminated for...everything and anything you ever receive heat for. The catch is that whenever something goes wrong during the course of the next year, you simply refer back to the week I worked at your church and pin the problem to me.
Budget problems? You simply say, "I think we are strapped for cash after we hired that Midwestern Monk guy who used our entire budget for comic books."
Interstaff conflict? "I think our lack of communication all goes back to when that pudgy kid with the hygiene problem worked here and kept throwing coffee lattes at the secretaries."
Integrity problems --"If you look at the following chart, I think you will notice that our lack of integrity can be pinpointed to the week of Sept 8-15. This is the week we hired that kid who kept stealing the donuts from the fellowship hour by claiming that 'man should not live on donuts alone.'"
Heresy? "I can see where you think my teaching is misguided. I got this lesson off that Monk kid. Boy was he a moron! "
On a side note: I am also willing to literally fall from your ceiling during a church service for that all important, "hey check out that Fall Guy who just fell from the ceiling" appeal. Because everyone knows, you can never have too many fall guys.
5 comments:
Fall Guy might be a hit but I think you ought to add one little bit to his job description. The Fall Guy could tell off all the people in the church that need to be told off but everybody is afraid to do it. Then the Fall Guy could just ride off into the sunset.
Where were you a few years ago, Fall Guy? Lotta good it does me now. Jerk.
TWH --Consider it a part of the job description. In fact, I'll take on some people for free.
Lowery --You are the wind beneath my wings.
My agent is currently working on a deal to expand my role into government, business and baseball. As it turns out I might be the one responsible for the failures in Iraq, the Hurricane Katrina relief effort, the Bartman incident at Wrigley Field, the episode where Fonzi jumped the shark and the entire Enron scandal.
To my defense, it was my first day at work.
Funny, I'd hire a fall guy in a heartbeat! We've been thinking of our friends the Davenports lately. You should check out our blog sometime soon. I think you'll enjoy what you read :) Please give Lindsey and Addie a hug from the McKnights.
Oh, and you should post a picture of the family too!
Jenny --heartbeats are ok and all but I'm going to need $500 and $500 extra if you want me to tell someone off for you (this is to cover any injury claims I may have).
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