Inadequacy...

Do you ever have those moments when you just feel inadequate? Moments in which you feel that you are in over your head? These are the streams that I have been fishing in the last couple of days. As the hours tick off the clock and our departure time for Kenya quickly draws near, I have been feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I am leading my first cross-cultural trip to a place I have never been. I keep asking God, "Who am I that you would make me responsible for anything?"

In many ways, I don't feel prepared. Emotionally, I am having a tough time preparing myself to say goodbye to Adeline. This past Friday, Addy was having a tough time falling asleep and so I took her outside to rock her asleep in the peace of the evening. It was a special memory that I will always treasure. As I sat there in my chair, I just prayed and sang over her. I asked God to take care of her and give us strength to do his work. Despite all my prayers, I still have this picture of Adeline sitting at our window waiving goodbye to me as we drive away. It breaks my heart.

Despite all my feelings of inadequacy and doubt, I know that I am in the right place. I know that God is using this trip and these events to help me grow. I just wish that I didn't feel like a worthless sack of crap in the process.