Giving It All Away

"The Christian way is different: harder, and easier. Christ says, ‘Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want you. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don’t want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self…I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours."--C.S. Lewis

There are many moments in my life when I find it hard to give God everything. I say I want to die to myself and live completely for God; however so many times in my life I find myself before God with clinched fist. Even though his way will be so much better than what I now have, I seem to always try to do things my way and in my timing.

I just got back from the Missionary convention and my head is spinning and my heart aches for all the unreached people groups of the world. I saw a video at the convention of a missionary who had just completed the translation of scripture into a new people group's heart language. Everyone in the video was weeping for joy. Prior to this moment, darkness had consumed the very lives of this people. They had no hope nor had ever had the opportunity to know about the love of God, but now the light of the gospel had made its way into this remote area. May God be praised!

As I watched this video and heard the testimonies and stories of what God is doing, my heart broke. I kept asking, "Am I making any difference in God's Kingdom?" "Am I holding anything back from God in my service and devotion?" "Is there more that I could be doing?" "Is there something different that I should be doing?"

I simply don't know the answer to these questions. I don't want to look past what I am doing at the moment and say that I will start serving God more faithfully when such and such happens. I know I need to give it all away. God, please open up my clinched fists and take my life away.